The story behind this song
She still talks to her out loud in the car, at red lights, like she's not far. Then the date came back around — same gray morning, same church sound — and a whole year of firsts had somehow passed. The sweater rode in the passenger seat for months, holding the lilac perfume until the scent was finally only hers.
They said the year would soften it. They lied a little. For the daughter marking the hardest anniversary there is, learning to carry winter into summer — where some things changed and the loving stayed exactly the same.
Lyrics
The page turned over like a knife
Out loud, at red lights, like you're not far
Today the date came back around
Same gray morning, same church sound
I made it through a year of firsts
Your birthday was the worst
They lied a little bit
And I'm still dialing half a number
One year of learning how
To carry winter into summer
Some things changed — I cut my hair, I cried less in May
But loving you stayed exactly the same
One year without you
For months it held your perfume, lilac and clean
I wore it til the scent was only mine
That loss inside the loss took its own time
But I laughed in March — really laughed
And didn't feel bad after
You always said, live, sweetheart
And I'm still dialing half a number
One year of learning how
To carry winter into summer
Some things changed — I sleep now, I made your stew okay
But loving you stayed exactly the same
One year without you
Then ten, then someone new
Who'll only know you through the way I speak
So I'll keep talking in the car
Every mile, exactly where you are
I'm not dialing — I just hold the number
One year, and I know now
I can carry winter into summer
The calendar will turn, the dates will do their worst
But loving you stays exactly the same
As the year you held me first
Out loud
Like always
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