Christmas Gifts for Someone Who Lost a Loved One

The first Christmas after a death is often the hardest day of the year, and you want to help without making it worse. A good Christmas gift for someone who lost a loved one says one thing clearly: I remember them too. Here are 11 gentle ideas, none of them big or loud. If you choose only one, make it an ornament with their person's name, because it will come back out every December.

Hear a song made to remember someone

This one was made for another family. Yours would carry their name and your stories.

11 Christmas gifts for someone who is grieving

1. An ornament with their person's name. A simple glass or wooden ornament with the name, or the name and the years. It gives the one they lost a place on the tree. Usually $15 to $40.
2. A candle for Christmas Eve. Pair a good candle with a short note inviting them to light it at dinner. It gives the family a quiet way to include someone who is missing. $15 to $35.
3. A letter with a memory they have never heard. Write down one story about the person that only you know: something they said, a kindness they did for you. Grieving people hold on to these. It costs nothing.
4. A song in their memory ($39.90). You share their name and the stories that were theirs, and Songbond turns them into an original song. Some families play it on Christmas Eve. Others keep it for the quiet moments later.
5. Dinner handled for the week before Christmas. Drop off meals they can freeze, or pay for a few nights of delivery. Grief makes ordinary cooking feel impossible. $50 to $150.
6. A photo book of the person. Gather pictures from friends and family that they may not have seen. Print it with dates and a line under each photo. $30 to $70.
7. A memory jar from friends and family. Hand out small cards and ask everyone who knew the person to write one memory. Fill a jar and give it on Christmas morning.
8. Help with the Christmas card list. Offer to address the envelopes, or to write the note that tells distant friends what happened. It is one of the heaviest small jobs of a grieving December.
9. A donation in their person's name. Choose a cause the person cared about and give the card that confirms it. Any amount works.
10. A soft throw for long evenings. A heavy, warm blanket for the couch where they will spend more nights than they expect this winter. $40 to $90.
11. A short, honest book about grief. Pick one small enough to read in pieces, and write inside the cover that there is no right way to do this. $15 to $25.

How to choose what they need

Think about how recent the loss is and how they grieve. Some people want to talk about the person constantly. Others need the world to carry on quietly around them. Neither is wrong, and the right gift follows their lead.

• If they are in the first few weeks: the meals, the help with the cards or the soft throw.
• If they are someone who loves to tell stories about them: the memory jar, the photo book or the letter.
• If they are private about grief: the candle, the ornament or the donation.

What to write in the card

Use the person's name. People who are grieving often notice that everyone else stops saying it. Then add one specific memory, even a small one, like the way they laughed at their own jokes. Skip "everything happens for a reason" and "at least they are not suffering." End with a real offer that has a day attached to it. "I will bring soup on the 27th" is far easier to accept than "let me know if you need anything."

A gentle way to remember them this Christmas

If a song feels right, you can create a song in their memory with the stories you want kept. It is ready within 24 hours, and express delivery takes about an hour if you need it sooner.

Also in the Journal: the first Christmas without a loved one and songs for a celebration of life.