First Mother's Day Without Mom: Gifts and Ways to Remember

The first Mother's Day without your mom starts weeks early, with the ads, the store displays and the emails you cannot unsubscribe from fast enough. Having a plan for the day, even a small one, helps. These 11 ideas work whether you are the one grieving or you are buying for a friend or sibling who lost their mom this year. If you want one keepsake that captures her, a song made from her stories is a gentle choice.

A memorial song you can listen to

This one was made for another family. Yours would carry her name and your stories.

11 gifts and ways to remember mom on Mother's Day

1. Her voicemails, saved. Old voicemails get lost when phones are replaced. Save them to a computer now, and if you like, turn one into a framed sound-wave print. Free to save, usually $30 to $60 for a print.
2. Her cards to you, collected. Gather the birthday and holiday cards she wrote you over the years into one album. Her handwriting, her sign-off, her little jokes. Usually $20 to $40 for the album.
3. Her flowers in your garden. Plant what she grew: peonies, hydrangeas, her tomato plants. In much of the country, Mother's Day falls right in planting season. Usually $20 to $50.
4. A song about her ($39.90). You share her name, what she called you and the things she always said, and Songbond turns them into an original song. Play it with your siblings, or alone in the car.
5. Her Mother's Day tradition, kept. Whatever she liked on the day, whether it was the diner breakfast, the garden center or a long phone call, do it this year in her honor.
6. A call to the people who knew her longest. Ring her sister or her oldest friend and ask for a story about her you have never heard.
7. A bracelet with her handwriting. “Love, Mom” from an old card, engraved on a simple band you can wear every day. Usually $40 to $90.
8. Her recipe, taught to the grandchildren. Bake her cookies or make her sauce with your kids, and teach them the step she always insisted on.
9. Flowers for the women who mothered you too. An aunt, a grandmother, a friend's mom who fed you for years. It turns part of the day toward gratitude. Usually $40 to $80.
10. A card sent early, for a grieving friend. If your friend lost her mom this year, send a card a few days before: “I know Sunday is going to be hard. I'm thinking of you and your mom.”
11. A gift to a cause that helps mothers. A shelter for moms and children, a diaper bank, the hospital unit where she once worked. Any amount.

How to choose for the first Mother's Day

Decide whether you want to spend the day remembering her or simply getting through it. Both are fine. Some people want her recipe, her flowers and her music all day long. Others need a quiet day with one small ritual, and that is enough.

• If you want to feel close to her: the voicemails, her cards or the song.
• If you are buying for a friend: the early card, the bracelet or the flowers she loved.
• If you have children of your own: her recipe, taught to them, and a story about their grandma.

Getting ready for the day itself

Many shops now offer an opt-out from Mother's Day emails. Look for the link in their messages a few weeks ahead and use it. It saves you a dozen small jolts. If you are a mother yourself, the day can hold both things: your children celebrating you, and you missing her. Tell your family in advance what you need, whether that is a slow morning, an hour at her grave or her recipe for dinner. Nobody guesses right without being told.

A song for her

If you would like her stories in a song, you can make one in her memory. It is ready within 24 hours, and express delivery brings it in about an hour, so there is no shipping cutoff to worry about before Sunday.

Also in the Journal: tribute songs for mom and songs for the first anniversary of a death.