Gifts for the Anniversary of a Death

The anniversary of a death is a date the grieving person never forgets, and one most other people never knew. A gift for the anniversary of a death says, above all, that you remembered. These 12 ideas range from a card that costs a stamp to a keepsake they will keep for good. If you only send one thing, make it a message on the day itself that uses the person's name.

Hear a song made to honor someone

This one was made for another family. Yours would carry the name of the one they lost, and your stories.

12 gift ideas for the anniversary of a death

1. A card that arrives on the date. Mail it a few days early so it lands on the day, not after. Write the name: “Thinking of you and Jim this week.”
2. Flowers delivered that morning. Choose the flowers their loved one liked if you know them. Usually $50 to $90.
3. Your company for the day. Offer to spend it with them, or simply to be on call. Some people want lunch out. Others want someone to drive them to the cemetery.
4. A song in their loved one's memory ($39.90). Songbond turns the stories you share into an original song. If they would like something to display, a printed keepsake plaque of the song is available too.
5. A letter about how far they have come. Write to your friend, not about the loss, but about what you watched them carry this year: the first holidays, the paperwork, the mornings they got up anyway.
6. A gift to the hospice or ward that cared for them. A donation, or a box of pastries for the staff with a note from the family. It turns part of the day toward thanks.
7. A lantern for the grave or the porch. A candle lantern or a solar light, lit that evening. Usually $25 to $50.
8. A small stone for the pocket. A smooth stone engraved with their name or initials, to carry on the day and after. Usually $15 to $30.
9. A playlist of their music, shared. Gather the songs they loved and send the list to the family, so everyone can play it on the same evening. It costs nothing.
10. A clean headstone and fresh planting. Offer to go with them to wash the stone and plant something new beside it. Usually $20 to $40 in supplies.
11. Their favorite treat, delivered. The pie, the donuts or the chocolates the person who died always bought, sent to the family that morning. Usually $20 to $40.
12. The day covered. Take their shift, their school pickup or their dog walk so they can take the whole day off without explaining.

How to choose an anniversary gift

The first anniversary is usually the hardest, and gifts that simply acknowledge the day are right. Later anniversaries can carry more: a keepsake, a gathering, a new tradition. Think too about who you are giving to. A widow, a parent who lost a child and a friend who lost a sibling each need something slightly different.

• If it is the first anniversary: the card, the letter or your company.
• If it has been many years: the playlist, the favorite treat or the song.
• If they visit the grave: the lantern or the headstone planting.

What to write in an anniversary card

Keep it short and do not try to fix anything. Name the person who died, name the time that has passed, and share one memory if you have one. “A year ago today we lost Linda. I still laugh about her beating everyone at cards on Thanksgiving. Thinking of you.” Avoid any line that suggests grief should be ending, like “I hope you're moving on.” Anniversaries are not deadlines. If you never met the person, it is fine to write, “I know today is hard. I'm here.”

Remembering them in a song

If a song feels right for the day, create one in their memory. It is ready within 24 hours, and express delivery brings it in about an hour, even on the anniversary itself.

Also in the Journal: songs for the first anniversary of a death and the first Christmas without a loved one.