Gift Ideas for an Elderly Mother

Your mother is in her 80s or 90s now, and somewhere along the way you started looking after her the way she once looked after you. The best gift for an elderly mother makes her daily life a little easier or tells her plainly what she gave you. Here are 12 ideas that do one or both, from free to a real splurge. Our honest top pick is a song from her children, because it says the thank-you most of us never quite manage in person.

Play a real Songbond song

This one was made for another family. Yours would carry her name and your stories.

12 gift ideas for an elderly mother

1. A song from her children ($39.90). Each of you sends in a memory: the lunches she packed, the songs she sang in the car, the night she sat up with you. Songbond turns them into one original song, ready within 24 hours. She can play it on the days nobody visits.
2. A jar of 100 thank-yous. Write one small thank-you on each slip of paper: for the Halloween costumes, the rides at midnight, the Sunday dinners. It costs nothing, and she can pull one out every morning for three months.
3. A short video from every grandchild. Ask each grandchild to record one minute about something she taught them. Put the clips together on a tablet or a frame she already uses. Free.
4. A visit from her sister or oldest friend. Pay for the train ticket or the drive, and plan lunch for the two of them. Usually $100 to $300, and it gives her a day that has nothing to do with being old.
5. A standing grocery delivery. Set up a weekly order of the things she always buys, so heavy bags are no longer her problem. Usually $50 to $100 a week, or less for a small top-up order.
6. A phone with photo buttons. A simple phone where each button shows a family member's face. Usually $30 to $60. She presses your photo and it calls you.
7. A soft robe with a zip front. Buttons get harder with age. A fleece robe that zips from the hem is warm and easy. Usually $40 to $80.
8. A cast of your hands together. A kit makes a plaster sculpture of her hand holding yours. Usually $40 to $70, and it becomes something the family keeps.
9. A quilt made from your childhood clothes. If she kept the baby clothes, school shirts and team jerseys, a quilter can turn them into a blanket for her chair. Usually $150 to $400.
10. A weekend at your house, with breakfast in bed. Give her the good room, bring her tray at nine and spend the day sitting with her. Free, and she will talk about it for months.
11. Her favorite book, rebound. The cookbook held together with tape or the prayer book with loose pages. A bookbinder can restore it for around $60 to $150.
12. A lift chair for her favorite spot. A splurge, but a chair that helps her stand gives her independence every single day. Usually $500 to $1,200.

How to choose for your mother now

Look at her week, not just her birthday. Where does she struggle, and when is she lonely? The best gift answers one of those two questions, and the very best answers both.

• If she lives alone: the grocery delivery, the photo phone or the visit from her sister.
• If she lives with you or close by: the weekend of breakfasts, the quilt or the hand cast.
• If she is in a care home: the video from the grandchildren, the jar of thank-yous or the song.

How to give it so she really hears it

Older ears struggle with background noise, so play the song or the videos in a quiet room with the television off. Sit beside her rather than across the room, and hold the phone or tablet close. Play it once, let her react, then play it again, because the second time she catches the words she missed. Do not rush to fill the silence afterwards. Then write the steps to play it again on a card and leave it by her chair, so she can hear it tomorrow without calling you first.

Make a song for your mother

Create a song for your mother. Share your memories, and it is ready within 24 hours. Visiting tomorrow? Express delivery gets it to you in about an hour.

Also in the Journal: birthday songs for Mom and Mother's Day song gift ideas.