Gifts for Someone Going Through a Hard Time

Someone you love is having a rough stretch: a divorce, a lost job, an illness in the family or a loss they are not ready to talk about. The best gift for someone going through a hard time takes something off their plate and asks nothing back, not even a thank-you note. Here are 12 ideas, most of them simple and many of them free. Our honest top pick is practical help, like dinner left on the porch, followed by something personal once the first rush of support dies down.

A real Songbond song, to hear first

This one was made for another family. Yours would carry their name and your stories.

12 gift ideas for someone going through a hard time

1. Dinner left on the porch. Cook a meal in a container they never have to return, text that it is there and do not wait for them to open the door. Usually $15 to $30 in groceries.
2. A note in the mail every week for a month. Four short cards, each with one memory or one thing you admire about them. Under $15 with stamps, and they keep arriving after other people have moved on.
3. A song about your friendship ($39.90). When the worst has passed, a song can say what is hard to say face to face. You share your stories and Songbond turns them into an original song, ready within 24 hours. Give it quietly, with no pressure to listen right away.
4. An hour of errands. Offer a specific list: the pharmacy, the post office, the dry cleaner. Free, and much easier to accept than 'let me know if you need anything.'
5. Their laundry, done. Pick up a bag on Monday and bring it back folded on Wednesday. Free if you do it, or $30 to $60 at a wash-and-fold service.
6. A comfort basket for long nights. Thick socks, a good tea, lip balm and a paperback that asks nothing of them. Usually $30 to $60.
7. A weekly walk on the calendar. Same day, same time, same loop. It gets them outside and gives them one fixed point in a week that feels out of control.
8. A weighted blanket. Many people find the gentle pressure calming on nights when sleep will not come. Usually $50 to $120.
9. Flowers with a note that says no reply needed. Those three words take a job off their list. Usually $30 to $60.
10. A book of short readings. Poems or one-page essays they can read in five minutes, when a whole novel is too much. Usually $15 to $25.
11. An afternoon with their children. Take the kids to the park so the adults can sleep, cry or make phone calls in peace. Free.
12. A gas or grocery card. If money is part of the trouble, this helps without a speech about it. Usually $25 to $100.

How to choose when you do not know what to say

Match the gift to what they are short of right now. It is usually time, energy or company, and it helps to guess which one before you buy anything.

• If they are overwhelmed: the dinner, the errands, the laundry or the afternoon with the kids.
• If they are lonely: the weekly walk, the cards in the mail or the song.
• If they are private about it: the flowers with no reply needed, the comfort basket or the book.

What to write in the card

Keep it short and specific. Skip 'everything happens for a reason' and 'I know how you feel,' even if you mean well. Skip 'let me know if you need anything,' because it hands them a job. Write what you will do and when: 'I am leaving soup on Thursday. No need to answer the door.' Then add one true line about them, like 'you have always been the steadiest person I know.' Sign off without a question, so there is nothing to answer.

When they are ready for something personal

Make a song for a friend who needs it. Share your stories and it is ready within 24 hours, or in about an hour with express delivery.

Also in the Journal: thinking of you songs and get well songs.