Memorial Gift Ideas for the Loss of a Husband

When a woman loses her husband, the house is full of people and casseroles for two weeks, and then it goes quiet. A good memorial gift for the loss of a husband does one of two things: it keeps him close, or it makes the months ahead a little lighter. The 12 ideas below do one or both, at every budget. If you only give one thing, make it something she can hold that was once his, like his shirts sewn into a pillow.

Listen to a song made in someone's memory

This one was made for another family. Yours would carry his name and the stories she tells about him.

12 memorial gift ideas for the loss of a husband

1. A pillow or lap quilt sewn from his shirts. The flannel he wore on Saturdays, his work shirts, the one with the frayed collar. A local seamstress or an online maker turns them into a cushion for usually $50 to $90, or a lap quilt for $150 to $400. Ask a family member to set the shirts aside quietly so she does not have to choose.
2. His handwriting, engraved. A line from an old birthday card, even just his usual sign-off and name, engraved on a bracelet, a pendant or a keychain. Look through the cards and notes in his desk. Usually $40 to $150.
3. A song about their life together. You share how they met, what he called her and the small habits of their marriage, and Songbond turns it into an original song ($39.90). Some widows keep it for his birthday or their anniversary. Others play it on the drive to the cemetery. A printed plaque of the song is available if she would like it on the wall.
4. A necklace to hold his wedding band. A fine chain or a small pendant made to carry a ring, so she can keep his band close instead of in a drawer. Usually $30 to $120.
5. Help with the jobs he always did. Mowing, gutters, the oil change, the bins on Tuesday night. A season of lawn care costs roughly $300 to $600. A handwritten card with real dates on it, like the first Saturday of every month, works just as well.
6. A framed map of where they met. The town, the street or the dance hall, printed with the date. Usually $35 to $80.
7. His voice, kept safe. Old voicemails vanish when phone plans change. Ask a grandchild to save them to her computer, and have a favorite one printed as a sound-wave picture for $30 to $60.
8. A standing dinner. Not an object but a promise: one night a week for the first few months, someone brings food and stays to eat with her. It costs a grocery bill.
9. Flowers on the dates that matter. Most flowers arrive in the week of the funeral. Arrange a bouquet for his birthday and their anniversary instead, usually $50 to $90 each.
10. A keepsake box for his everyday things. His wallet, reading glasses, watch and keys need a home that is not the kitchen drawer. A wooden box with his initials is usually $40 to $100.
11. Letters from his friends. Write to his fishing buddies, his old colleagues and his brothers, and ask each for one story she might never have heard. Tie them together with a ribbon.
12. A tree or rose bush planted in his name. Pick one that flowers around his birthday or their anniversary. A young plant is usually $30 to $80.

How to choose for her

Think about the months ahead, not the first week. The funeral is crowded with help. What she will miss later is his company, his voice and the hundred small jobs he did without being asked.

• If she is private: the keepsake box, the necklace for his ring or his handwriting.
• If she is overwhelmed: the lawn care, the standing dinner or the flowers on his dates.
• If she loves to talk about him: the letters from his friends or the song.

When to give it, and what to write

You do not have to give a memorial gift at the funeral. The hardest stretch often starts a month or two later, when the cards stop and the house is empty. A gift that arrives then tells her people have not forgotten. His birthday, their wedding anniversary and the first holidays are good days too. In the card, use his name. Write one small memory, like the way he waved from the mower, rather than a line about a better place. And if you offer help, name a day and a time so she never has to ask.

A song for her husband

If you would like to make a memorial song about him, tell us his name and the stories she loves to tell. It is ready within 24 hours, and if the service is soon, express delivery gets it to you in about an hour.

Also in the Journal: memorial songs for a late husband and songs for the first anniversary of a death.